The story continues….
Xol, I had decided to stop writing to you after I gave birth, but I’ve been feeling compelled to continue lately. This stuff is just too good! You are 3 months old now and you are a dream. Such a good baby. Sweet disposition and always smiling. God truly blessed your father and I with an angel! It wasn’t always so easy though!
Wow, where to start??!! Well, when you came home…your abuelita Elida and I didn’t sleep very much. She and abuelito Eduardo pretty much moved in for the summer. I actually went 5 straight days with no sleep! Your dad didn’t get home from tour until you were 6 days old! In the beginning, I couldn’t figure out how to get you to sleep! I was sleep deprived and feeling a little loopy. Not to mention, in the 2nd week I started having problems breastfeeding you. I called a lactation consultant to come to the house and help make sure I was doing everything right and I was, but I ran into trouble. You were going through your first growth spurt and I (thought I) couldn’t keep up. So, I decided to supplement my breastfeeding with formula. That was a difficult decision for me to make and it brought me a lot of sadness and conflict in the weeks to come!!
So, at that time your abuelita Elida decided that we should split the “night shift”. She took the first shift and I slept for 4 hours, then I would take over through the morning while your abuelita slept. That really helped me get some rest, who knew 4 hours would feel like a good night’s rest? I was always used to a full 8 hours. Anyhow, your abuelita was better off than me because she could sleep when she had you! I couldn’t. I didn’t want to put you in your bassinet, so I kept you on my chest the whole time and if I dozed off, I felt you slipping (I was so tired I might have let you fall), so I decided not to sleep on my shift. We would split the shifts in your nursery. It was such a magical place. It turned out just like I envisioned it. It had a peaceful, Zen energy throughout. I kept the “Rockabye Lullabies” in rotation all day/night. I played the Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Bob Marley, Metallica, Nine Inch Nails, Pink Floyd, etc. and the lights were always lightly dimmed (another feature your abuelito Eduardo made possible). Your abuelita would put you in your bassinet and after you fell asleep, she would wheel you into the room they were sleeping in. I’ll never forget the vision of that. Your abuelito said she looked like she was wheeling an ice cream cart around! So funny.
Backing up a bit, I should mention that your abuelitos Gil de Montes were in a very bad car accident when you were just under 1 week old. They were going to deliver my Placenta to be encapsulated when it happened. The car was totaled by the damage and abuelita Elida went to the emergency room, but they were unharmed for the most part. Your Tio Rick ended up delivering the Placenta to get it encapsulated and I did get the capsules later that week. The decision to encapsulate my placenta was a little controversial, but gaining some popularity at the time. Anyhow, I just gave your abuelitos my car (2005 Audi A4) as a result of the crash. I felt so bad for them. Needless to say, your abuelita was very sore but she insisted on continuing to help me with you. I don’t know how she did it.
Just after you were born, I was struck by the baby blues (a mild form of postpartum depression). I did not expect it and I was caught off guard by it. It lasted just about 6 weeks. I cried a lot and I often felt frightened, worried and vulnerable. I believe that for this reason, your abuelitos decided to stay with me for 11 weeks instead of the scheduled 4. The only thing that made me happy was you! Your father was only home for just shy of 3 weeks (not all at once) of your life in the first 3.5 months. Also during that time, our car was broken into in the driveway of our home (2nd time in 6 months), so your abuelitos did not feel right leaving me alone with you for that reason too. At about 6 & 1/2 weeks I felt well enough to care for you on my own, but no one would allow it. So, they basically lived with us!!
Back to the sleeping situation. While I did feel better getting a few hours of sleep every night, I did not feel right about us not spending the entire night together…even if it was only for 4 hours. So, after about 10 days of that arrangement, I decided that I wanted you the whole night and that you would sleep in my bed with me. I was doing a whole lot of reading around this time and I learned more about a kind of parenting that I was really interested in… “Attachment Style Parenting”. It was right up my alley. I committed to that style as it suited my personality and as a part of it, the experts recommended sharing a bed (Co-sleeping, Bed Sharing, Sleep sharing, etc). So after talking it over with your dad, we decided that was the best thing for us. It is the preferred method of sleep for most of the world other than in Western civilizations. It has so many benefits. It worked so well, right from the start. I nursed you to sleep every night. Early on you woke up really often just to nurse (every hour), but as time went on and you got older (2 mos), you slept longer between feedings. However, even when you woke up to nurse, you never really fully woke up and you never really cried. You just wiggled around and made little cat noises at me. At first I was nervous and couldn’t sleep much there either, but I got the hang of it pretty quickly. By the 2nd month you were sleeping 3-5 hour stretches to begin and then 2 hours thereafter (waking only to nurse) until fully waking up about 12 hours later. The change in the sleeping situation made me feel like a more confident mother. At a time when I was very emotional, I needed that boost of confidence. Ooh and in that 2nd month I discovered you liked to “talk” in the mornings! It’s the first thing on your to do list. That and smile…A LOT! Your dad and I love the morning talks. When he was out of town I would call him at that time so he could hear you talking!
The breastfeeding situation. Like I mentioned earlier, I decided to supplement with formula in your 2nd week due to supply issues (we gave you 1 mini bottle of formula in the hospital to combat the Jaundice you were at risk for since our blood types didn’t match). Hindsight is 20/20 and looking back, I wish I hadn’t had done that. I made that decision out of fear. I didn’t think I was making enough milk because you were demanding to eat so often, but I didn’t take your growing spurt into account. If I had, I would have realized your behavior was normal. I should also mention that as a part of Attachment Style Parenting, I fed you on demand. I did not create a schedule for you. So, I supplemented from the 2nd week to the 6thweek. Those were looooooong weeks for your abuelita Elida and I. In that time, I had her feed you the bottles so as not to confuse you anymore than was necessary. I was still breastfeeding you so, I didn’t want you to get confused if you saw me giving you the bottle. Also during that time, I was pumping and nursing every 1-2 hours, drinking mother’s milk tea, taking Fenugreek pills, drinking non-alcoholic beer, and eating oatmeal in order to get my milk supply up. I even hired a lactation consultant. It was such a trying time. The more I gave you formula, the more of a chance my milk supply would go down (the opposite of what I was trying to do). The amount of formula slowly increased as you began to crave that “full” feeling. Almost 1/2 of your daily intake was formula, but in the last week, you were taking in about 10 ozs of formula (more than 1/2 of your intake). I was so discouraged, but I wanted so badly to breastfeed you exclusively, so I continued the fight! The 6th week (also my 35th birthday) was a HUGE turning point in that struggle and other than just a couple of ozs, I was exclusively breastfeeding you and I never looked back!! You just looked at me one morning and instinctively I knew that was the end. Not coincidently (I think), that was around the time my baby blues ended. I still felt sudden episodes of fear or anxiety here and there for a couple of weeks, but other than that, it was gone!
I should also mention that I did not let people (other than my immediate family, your bis-abuela Victoria, your abuelita Mayra, and a couple of other people) visit you until you were 6 weeks old. I did not want to take any chances with you getting sick. Not to mention, your Pediatrician recommended we wait until you were vaccinated at 8 weeks. I got a lot of negative feedback from people with that decision, but I did not care. I am the momma and I protect my baby cub as I see fit. In addition, I never left the house either (other than for a Dr visit and 1 trip to Target for some baby products). Nowhere! Not until the 6th week. Your abuelita Elida insisted I go out to dinner to celebrate my birthday. Before your dad went out of town again he took me to dinner, but before we could make it to a movie I was already crying at the restaurant because I wanted to come home to you! Even by your 3rd month, I had never left you for more than 1-2 hours. It didn’t feel right and I missed you so, that settled that. The few times that I did leave, I always left you with your abuelita Elida (she’s made from sugarplums and fairy dust)!
As another component of my parenting style, I decided to “Babywear”. A practice dominant in all other cultures outside of America and only gained some popularity here in the new millennium. I bought 2 baby carriers and you hated both of them! (Interesting side note- Everything I ever read told me the secret to settling a crying baby was to swaddle them. You HATED being swaddled from day 1. Since you hate the car seat too, I figure it’s a sign that you cannot be restrained! You are a free spirit!) The one I really liked (the Moby Wrap) made you instantly too hot. We used that early on.You always ran a little warm (very unlike me&more like your dad). You disliked the other carrier (Baby Bjorn) as well but, I was able to trick you into it. I carried you on my shoulder ALL day long for the first several weeks and my body was physically in pain every day. So, I was desperate. I would slide you into it once you were asleep. I wore you down. You got used to it pretty quickly after that. I “wore” you everyday all day long! The sad part here is I wore you in the Bjorn from the time you were about 1.5 months til you were 4.5 months. I later thought to myself it may not be the best position for your little body. You were mostly supported by your crotch! So, I looked it up on the internet and all the hippie moms hated it for that reason saying it may impede hip/spine development. So, I immediately stopped using it and custom ordered a Mei Tai carrier and put you back in the Moby Wrap until the new one arrived even though you still kinda disliked it. To counteract any side effects I put you in a more supported carrier. (Besides, your Pediatrician said there was no harm done in that amount of time, the carrier was never recalled & it was the most popular one!) Baby wearing prevailed!! In the end, I bought an organic Ergo Baby carrier and so far, that’s the winner. 4 baby carriers in all!! Feeling a little like Goldilocks ova here!
You were on the E.A.S.Y. schedule. You designed it for us, but it already had a name! E-Eat. A-Activity. S-Sleep. Y-You (mom). You were an easy baby. I always knew what you needed. You never cried for “no” reason. You were never fussy. I’m not sure if I knew what you needed because we were so in sync due to the parenting style I adopted or if you were just that simple! I will say that you were noticeably advanced from the start and I always made sure people knew it! You always hit developmental milestones ahead of schedule and you were always a very alert baby. You were not like other babies that slept all of the time. You made me work. You wanted to learn. So, we learned. ALL of the time. I bought you so many toys and activity mats and books. You were interested in everything. Even something simple like walking into the bathroom where all my toiletries were would present an opportunity to learn. You were always studying things. It was so cute. I loved that about you. The only time that I was a little down about it was when I saw all my other friends going to restaurants with their babies. I tried several times to take you to a restaurant, but you cried every time. I always took my food home in a to go bag! You wanted to learn, move and have attention on you. The truth is, it was probably my fault. I waited so long to take you out that you may have just not been used to it! So at the end of your 2nd month I decided that I would take you out regularly. By the time you were 3 months old I was taking you out of the house at least once per day. Just to get you used to it. Also unlike other children, you hated the car! I think it was mostly because you did not like being restrained in the car seat, but still. Hated it. So, I had to time all outings according to your schedule. Once we got into a groove, we were going for our morning walk a few times a week (before winter hit) fully dressed and ready for the day by 8am followed by a nap and feeding before heading out to the store for a 2 hour outing. That was the best I could do in the first 3 months. The outings did NOT include restaurants
A little bit about the routine inside the house:
Your abuelito did lots of handy work (gardening, tinted the windows, installed tvs, etc) around our house and went to the market for us every week. We ate so many bananas I remember him saying the market checkers were going to think he had a monkey farm! I don’t know what we would have done if he wasn’t there to take care of us! He loved you so much. Although he gave up his summer begrudgingly, he was happy to have spent the first 3 months of your life with you. The only vacation he got was a trip to Las Vegas with abuelita Elida at the end of August.
Your abuelita Elida would make our food and wash our clothes. Without her, we would have starved. I always looked dirty anyway, so clean clothes probably didn’t make a huge difference for me! Like I mentioned before, she fed you most of your bottles, but Abuelito Eduardo helped with that here and there too. She was with you anytime I wasn’t. She came with us to every Doctor appointment. She insisted on it really! It was a welcome support. After the first 6 weeks she began working once per week and eventually twice per week, but was with us the rest of the time for the first few months.
Your momma was with you 24/7. You required a lot of attention and I was happy to give it to you. I did not leave your side until the 6th week. I went to dinner for my birthday with your father and on another night with some friends. My big night out was a wedding (On your abuelita Elida’s birthday) when you were 3 months old. I took my breast pump with me! I had no shame in my game. You are, and by relation breastfeeding, is my priority! I wore a nursing bra to make it easier to pump that night, but I didn’t take into account the dress I was wearing. So, I had to take the whole thing off to pump! There I was…in the bathroom stall standing in my underwear pumping out your milk on my big night out! I even had to store the milk on the table in a glass of ice. It was actually pretty funny. The next planned outing was on your 4th month birthday! Dad’s Smokeout concert! It was a blast!! I was gone for almost 12 hours!! You were a dream (according to abuelita) and I had plenty of milk pumped for you! (That part took me 2 weeks!!) I felt guilty when I got home and I snuggled you tightly the rest of the night and the whole next day.
I realized very early on that you loved to dance! I knew already that you liked music since I was playing it everywhere we went…all the time. In your bedroom, in the kitchen, in the car, on our walks….everywhere. So, one day I started dancing when you were crying. I knew you wanted to sleep and just as I started dancing, you stopped crying! After that, I always danced you to sleep for every nap. You liked different music for different times. Lullabies in your room, Reggae and Spa soundscapes in the car, Classical while on outings, and R&B oldies for naps and walks! Bob Marley, Stevie Wonder and Michael Jackson were favorites to dance to. A girl after my own heart! Your momma LOVES to dance!
Ooh…I thought you would like to know what everyone calls you! In the beginning I called you my Eskimo pie. In the first few months I called you Angel Booty, SweePea, Mi Amor, My Little Love Muffin, Love Bug and Little Baby Stinkerton (pronounced Thinkerton). Your dad calls you Little Baby and Boo Boo. (Later he started calling you Love Muffin & singing…You’re just a loooove muffin and I don’t work for nobody but you!) Your abuelito Eduardo calls you Cosa de su Padre. Your abuelita Elida calls you Corazon de Melon. Your tio Rick (who you strongly resemble and love to bits) calls you Mi Vida.
Ok Sweepea…. I will come back to this and revise it for sure, because there is so much to say, I’m sure I didn’t get it all in! More to come later. I love you my angel.
Ok, so a big issue for me was Immunizations. Initially I did not want to immunize you since I felt (and had read) that breast milk is all the immunization a baby needs. However, your father and abuelita Elida were dead set against it. They felt just as strongly that you should be immunized due to all the potentially deadly diseases you would be vulnerable to. So, when I had to supplement the breastfeeding with formula, I decided that I would have to at least give you some vaccines. I decided to do an alternate immunization schedule. You had shots administered less at a time and spread out over a longer period. I also made sure there was no mercury or aluminum in your vaccines. With the alternative schedule, I could observe what vaccines, if any, gave you a bad reaction and administer any future vaccines in that series with caution or not at all unless completely necessary. So you received your first shot at 8 weeks and at almost 4 months now, and all thanks to God you have not had any reaction to any of them. I recorded all your shots and reactions in your baby book. Now that I am writing this story to you, I’m not sure if I am going to continue being so detailed in that book, So much work! Haha.
Another really special thing about you is your “sentimental cry”. I have to say, you only cry when you are trying to communicate to me. (On a big side note, SOME people think it is good to let a baby “cry it out” so they can develop their lungs and so that the parent will be in control. However, I couldn’t disagree with that method more! Studies show babies who are allowed to “cry it out” cry 70% more than babies who are attended to when they cry!) So I’m sure the fact that I respond to your needs makes you more trusting that I will always take care of you and therefore, you cry less and only for a reason! In related news, I never gave you a pacifier because I wanted to be sure and read your cries correctly. I should say, I had decided I would not use the pacifier, but in your 2nd month I considered using it after you nursed so you might stop feeling the urge to suck. However, I tried it once and you spit it out. You hated it! I bought a different one and that made no difference, so that settled it for me. We never used the pacifier!! Getting back to the point here…you have such a sweet cry. It is in no way annoying or loud. It is just so sad to hear you cry. You cry with such sentiment! It breaks my heart to hear you cry (not to mention your abuelitos Gil de Montes too). You are really a happy baby, but you will communicate when you are not pleased with something. You make little “cat noises” and grunts that let me know we need to move or change environment or dance or something! If you go into a cry, it’s just done with so much feeling, it evokes a lot of emotion when someone hears it!
Another strong point of yours is the Booty! You have such a great butt. I’m not sure why, but on my side of the family a butt is a big deal. Your abuelita Elida loves a good butt, so maybe that’s why we all fixate on the booty so much? Anyhow, it popped out at about 4 weeks. Out of nowhere! It was just like BAM. I love it so much I invite people to look at it. That may not settle well with you when you grow up and read this, but that’s what I do. I love it so much. When you are naked for a bath and I’m holding you in my arms, there is cellulite in that booty!! So, cute! Oooh and when you were just a newborn and ever since then so far (you’re in your 4th month) I sing you a song when I change your diaper. In one of your early diaper changes I was putting organic corn starch on your booty with a cotton swab but I didn’t realize how saturated it was. Needless to say, the powder went all over the place so I started singing…Baking a cake en the baby booty. We’re baking a cake eeeeennnnnn the ba beey boooooooty!!!! It’s cute now that you’re a little older you recognize the song and smile when I sing it You also recognize the songs, You are my Sunshine and Somewhere over the Rainbow.
So, at 3 1/2 months I decided to take you to a Mommy and Me Music/ Sign language class by Kindermusik. It is a weekly class. I really must say you were the most well behaved baby in the class. The first couple of classes you have been more interested in the socialization of the class rather than the actual class. That is good with me! I love to watch you observe people. You are so actively absorbing the information you see that I can actually see you learning!! You love the brightly colored scarves and especially when I throw them in the air and let them fall on your face! You have been musical from the time you were born. Meaning you have always loved music and the rhythm of movement. Whether it is just walking or all out dancing. You have to move! Anyhow, in your very first class, the group was asked to gather around the drum to tap on it. There were mixed ages in the class and a little girl (about 2 yrs old) was sitting across from us. You had just eaten and I think the way my arm was pressing against your tummy made you spit up (something you rarely do)….all over the drum! It was no big deal and the teacher wiped it right up, but the little girl became very upset and slapped the drum right by you and yelled, “No!” She did it twice! I instantly became hot and wanted to yell back at her, but I had to contain myself. As it turns out…I am the adult! However, it was the first time I had to show my momma Lion skills and protect my little cub. I’m sure that the perils life brings will give me plenty of opportunities to protect my little girl, but I can only hope I don’t go off on some poor unsuspecting little 2 year old while doing it!! Hahaa.
Also in your 3rd month you started to blow bubbles when you were irritated or no longer interested in something. It was kind of like the sound of a motor boat with LOTS of spit. It was so cute. You were such a good communicator. It was your dad who first noticed that’s what it meant. You started doing it one day and dad noticed the next day what that meant. In your 4th month you interchanged the bubbles with a fist pump!
Late in the 2nd month and early in the 3rd month you began to bring your hands together. Almost like in a prayer position. You did it most often when you were nursing and I melted at the sight of it. We both had a love affair with your hands. Your hands were sooo soft and your fingers were so long and your movements were so sweet.
A side note: From your 3rd to 5th month we went to the movies every Monday morning. They had a Mommy and Me showing every week. Changing table in front, stroller parking outside the theater, and volume at half! I kept you in the baby carrier and nursed you when you woke up. It usually worked out perfectly! I had to stop because I was really busy in December with your baptism and Christmas and then in preparation for your surgery I had to stay away from crowds. After your recovery, you became a “big girl” over night! So, I decided I would wait until you were old enough to understand how to be still. I won’t hold my breath!
So for your first Halloween you were a Lady Bug. A puffy little bug! October was a big month for you. You experienced your first pumpkin patch with your abuelitos Gil de Montes and momma. You slept through most of it! No matter though. Not much to do there for you anyway. Also, I always wanted to start a tradition of my own for my little family. Namely celebrating Dia de los Muertos. It is celebrated on Nov.2nd (Nov. 1st for children that have passed) and it is a time to honor those loved ones that have passed on. Traditionally sugar skulls are made and decorated in the name and image of those passed and an altar is created with foods, music, candles, perfume, etc. that your loved ones liked. It is an ofrenda or offering so that their souls may be happy. Anyhow, I got all the good needed to create the skulls/altar and asked our inner circle (Abuelitos Gil de Montes, Tio Eddie, Tio Rick, and Tia Elida) to participate. It is something I want us to celebrate for all the years to come. It is a way to celebrate our culture and spend time with our loved ones. I hope you will carry it on with your babies
So, none of your tios or tia made it to the 1st annual Dia de los Muertos skull decorating party, You and I made the skulls by ourselves one day and then on Halloween it just so happened that we had several visitors so we had them all help with the decorating. My padrinos from Chile were in town and I hadn’t seen them in at least 18 yrs. Also, Martha (your tio Rick’s ex-wife) came over as well. Your abuelitos Gil de Montes helped too. You and I wore matching bib and apron. I have pics! The skulls and altar came out beautifully. I decorated mine while wearing you…I think I deserve extra points for that! We will light the candles, take shots, light incense and play music for our altar on Nov. 2nd.
Like I mentioned, you were a ladybug for your first Halloween! You looked beyond cute. The outfit only accentuated your already perfect booty! You gave candies to the kiddies. I placed the candy in your hand and jiggled it so you would let go of it in the kid’s baskets. It was amazingly cute. Dad was in NY working but we sent him pics on the cell phone.
At 4 months old I will say that developmentally you didn’t really do many new things, but you mastered some of the things you had already started doing. For example, your aim got much better! If you wanted to grab a hanging toy you would put your hand right to it. You would grab people’s noses and my arm and hold on (almost like a hug) when I would hold you. You hold your head super steady and can look straight up. When I am wearing you, you pick your whole head up and look at me standing above you. You also grab your feet and thighs now. When I change your diaper now your legs move independent of each other. You are pretty flexible (like momma!). You started rolling over at 3 months, but lost interest shortly after. You can roll from your back to your side and on a bed you can roll all the way to your tummy, but on solid ground you try to roll in both directions, but can’t quite make it… so you stop trying. I want you to do it so bad, but I’ve decided not to push. I don’t want to pressure you…ever! All in due time.
I also wanted to let you in on something. When I was a little girl I was affectionate…overly so. When I was pregnant I would hope to have an affectionate baby. Some babies don’t like to be smothered, but I was hoping you would…and you do!! You LOVE you some kisses! You smile and laugh when I kiss you from your head, neck, arms, tummy, legs, to your feet! It makes my heart smile! You also started grabbing my face and giving me kisses when you were 4 months old. It more of an open mouth slobber, but I think it’s your version of a kiss!!
In your 3rd month we found out your Tia Eli was pregnant! She moved in with her boyfriend and they will probably be married shortly. The best news here is that you will have a “bestie” cousin to grow up with!!! Because your Tia became ill in her early months of pregnancy, your Abuelita Elida didn’t see you very much after your 3rd month because she was taking care of her baby (Eli). She had planned on helping me out by watching you once a week, but that didn’t quite work out…God had other plans for her. In fact, the original plan was that she would watch you when I went back to work, but I’ve decided not to go back until after your eye surgery/ recovery. That’s something I should probably explain to you. When you were 4 weeks old, your Pediatrician diagnosed you with Ptosis. That means there was an elongated muscle that ran from your forehead to your eyelid that could not lift the lid very much. Therefore, the vision in one eye was obstructed by your eyelid. Turns out you had a severe case that required surgery. The first surgery is scheduled for January. You may require multiple surgeries during your lifetime. I’m not looking forward to it and I’d rather not explain it in detail because the thought of it makes me cringe. You will be fine though. That much I know. I took you to 3 well known specialists. I decided on the Dr that is known internationally as one of the best in the field. He teaches other Doctors how to do the surgery. You will notice that in your photos (0-6 months) your right eye seems kind of “sleepy”. That’s about the extent of it from the outside looking in. The issue is how it looks from the inside looking out. I don’t want your development to suffer in other areas. Since so much of what you learn at this age is what you see, your sight cannot be obstructed. Further, the weight of the eyelid on the eye can cause the shape of the eye to change and that would require you to wear glasses. At this time, that is not the case although they did find a very slight Astigmatism at 5 weeks old. Again, I want you to know….I have faith. You will be fine.
On a lighter note…let’s discuss my weight!! Get it?? Ok, not that funny. Anyhow, I liked knowing how my mom’s weight was effected after she had me. Not sure why, but maybe you will too? I gained between 40 and 45 lbs during my pregnancy. I say 45 because between the time I found out I was pregnant and actually had my first prenatal appointment, I gained 5 lbs! So, although the doctor went by that weight, I went by the previous weight because that was ridiculous gaining 5 lbs in one week! All because I ate like a hog at the thought of being pregnant!! Not to mention I had already gained 15 lbs (I say subconsciously in preparation for the pregnancy) after your papa and I got married. So…as complicated as that all sounds…the truth is I have always been a thin girl. My normal weight is between 120-125 lbs. Sometimes 117-122 was the range, but I think I was way too skinny for my height then! When I got pregnant I weighed 137 lbs (Which was close to the heaviest I ever got, 140 my freshman year of college)!!! If that wasn’t bad enough, I made it to 182 lbs on the day I delivered!! Ugh. Hurts my head thinking about it. The good news is I lost 27 lbs within 1 week after I had you, most of that was in the first 3 days The bad news is the rest has been coming off at the turtle paced average of about 2-3 lbs per month. To give you an idea, my normal size is between a 2 and a 4 and just after I had you I was a size 10. I slimmed down to an 8 by the time you were 2.5 months old and a 6 (pre-pregnancy size) in some sizes. I was already (snuggly) in my regular (fat) jeans by the end of your 3rd month. I had reached my pre-pregnancy weight by your 4th month. All of that was with no working out. You are almost 5 months now and I am hoping to start working out 2-3 times per week. Keep you posted on that effort! I’ve let go of the dream of getting back to 120lbs but I plan on getting back to 125 even though my Doctor says I should be about 130. Hopefully by the time you are 6 or 7 months I will lose the post wedding weight. Ha!!
[Update- I’m a solid size 6 by the time you are 5mos and 1/2 weeks. A couple of weeks of working out twice per week has gotten me no slimmer (We stopped walking because of winter weather when you were 4.5mos.), but I feel fit, so that’s good. ]
[2nd update- I’m a size 27 jeans and you are 6 months old (I only worked out twice per week for 1month). All my old tops are tight, but that’s because of these huge boobs! So, I’m pretty happy to be back to normal…for the most part!]
[3rd update- I’m in a size 28 jeans and medium tops. I never worked out other than a total of 8 times in the first 14 months of your life (all that in your 5th month). I have eaten whatever I want, whenever I want throughout these 14 months. I need to eat better and work out. Now that you are older and I am only nursing 3-4 times per day at this point, I think I can do that!]
One thing, I realized, that is totally exclusive to me is the time we have together while you are nursing. I love it. Our time together is precious to me. We have an unspoken language between us. This love is like a dance we share with our eyes. All that being said, you have some real habits you have always had since you were born. You like to have my exclusive attention when you nurse. That means you do not want to me talk to anyone other than you, you do not want me to text on my phone, you do not want anyone else in the room to talk, you want my eyes and all of my attention on you. You stop nursing and look at me if I talk on the phone. You stop nursing and look at the person talking if they are in the room. You swing your arm around your back and hit my cell phone if I am texting. It is clearly intentional on your part. You have been talking to me since you were born. You were saying, “Hey lady..ALL EYES ON ME!!” At about 5 months you started doing a little fake cough at me when you wanted to nurse…mostly at night. You are a great communicator.
When you were 5.5 months we had you baptized by the Catholic church. More specifically, you were baptized by Father Gregory Boyle. Neither your father nor I are practicing Catholics (by choice) but we both agreed that the sacrament of a Baptism was important to us both. It was more of a symbolic act on our part. We wanted you to be blessed in this new life and to thereby be purified and protected. In that same sentiment we selected your Padrinos. In making my selection it was important to me that your Padrinos possess some qualities that I or your father may lack. My wish is that you would be exposed to the gifts and beauty of their personalities and be eternally changed and positively influenced by them. Your Padrino is your Tio Rick. At first I had decided that I did not want any relatives to act as a Padrino, however, when I set out to choose your Padrino, the choice was really clear. Your dad was going to select the Padrino on his own but we had a short conversation one day where I suggested your Tio Rick and he agreed that he would be a great choice. Since you were born, your Tio’s life appeared to be profoundly affected and changed because of you. He seemed to have a strong connection with you. Not to mention, you resemble him (or so some say). He is a strong man in his actions and convictions. He was my best friend as a child and most of my happy childhood memories were made with him by my side. We are both still children at heart. However, he is also ambitious, unrelenting, powerful, spiritual, successful, inspirational, funny, and passionate. Your Madrina is my friend Theresa Davis. We met about 10 years ago at my work. We built a strong friendship in that time. I came to know her personally as someone I would aspire to be like. She is genuine, caring, giving, spiritual, social, curious, a great friend, a mentor at work, and very girly. These selections did not come without controversy. Most people almost expected I would choose your Tia Eli or my best friend of almost 20 years, Nesta. However, each of them was pregnant at the time and I really felt that you needed someone that would be able to focus on you. As I know the joy of a new baby can be all consuming. The truth is that there are thousands of reasons why each of them and so many different people in our life would have made a great choice. The reality is we could only choose 2. We could have opted to have 4 people, but to me that is messy and I don’t do messy. I’m confident we made the right choices for you.
At about 5.5 mos you started to “talk”. You started to say ba ba bah. You would say it all the time and it seemed to me that you were saying it with purpose. You are talking to me only I don’t know what you are saying yet. I try to get you to say mama (mostly) or papa but you’re not having it…yet. I go through all the constanants and vowel pairings to try to broaden your language development, but nothing has changed yet. I will keep you posted on these efforts. It’s so exciting to hear you start a language!
I think I mentioned that in your 4th month you started grabbing your feet. Well, in your 5thmonth I would swear your feet tasted like sugar the way you suck them up! It was one of your past times. Anyhow, one day it was you and I lying on the carpet in your room and I was just watching you. You were in your diaper and you were just grabbing your feet. It was a simple act. One I had seen so many times before, but I guess I was really present to it in that moment because I started crying. Crying out of love and wonderment at how beautiful and perfect you were and how lucky I was. I was also thinking that it was official…God does love me. He gave me you.
We also have some silent moments just you and I. We sit and stare at each other. I make faces and you study my every feature. You are always learning. Learning about me in those moments, I suppose. We share love looks. You smile, sometimes crookedly, and cock your head to the side. You constantly smile with your eyes. You have such long eyelashes, but besides that, you have kind eyes. They tell a story and you are so expressive, even watching you in silence makes me feel like we are communicating. We even have singing moments. Moments where I sing to you. You either grab my face and hold me while I sing or you start to sing too. You make long winded noises. You seem to really like the way I sing to you. You even have preferences for what songs I sing to you. So far your fave is “You are my sunshine”.
You reached an unexpected emotional milestone early in your 5th month. According to the Dr, you got stranger anxiety. You prefer to be with your mom and are anxious to be held by or stay with other people. This started with your abuelito and then spread to include your nino and father! I hope you outgrow this and I have been trying to do my part to help that along, but at 6 months, it doesn’t show any signs of diminishing. Every time we see someone we know I ask them to hold you, but you’re not having it. I take you out every day but it hasn’t changed much. I had to stop Kindermusic class because of our busy December schedule. However, since your eye surgery is coming up shortly, I can’t take you around too many people or crowds (to avoid germs). So we will have to work this out after you recover. It’s my new mission.
I knew it was coming. The day you would learn the cause and effect of picking up a toy and dropping it…which was also the cause and effect of you dropping it, me giving it back and you dropping it again. Over and over and over! This catch and release began at about 5.5 months.
I may have mentioned it before, but I swear your baby body composition kills me! You are long and your torso is lean. You have chubby cheeks, a big booty, and chubby (not overly so) legs. Just the sight of your limbs makes me squirm with delight.
Your pediatrician advised me to start solids when you were 5 months old. However, I decided to wait until you were 6 months old. I have an appliance that steams, purees, and chops meats, fruits, and vegetables. I also have an organic baby cookbook. I plan to make your baby food. I’ve read that the lining of your stomach is not complete until you are 6 months so that is why I decided to wait a little bit. However, you began chewing in your 4th month. Chewing nothing. Just chewing to show me you were ready! You started following food way before that though-at about 3.5-4 mos and increasingly so. You started by just noticing food on the table or on my plate. Then you started following the food with your eyes. Then you started trying to grab the food. Then you started to grab my hand while it was on the way to my mouth and redirect it to your mouth! So, I decided you were ready! We start solids next week (your 6 month birthday) and I know you can’t wait!!
Given all the time we spend together alone, I thought it would be a good idea to document this time in your life so that other people could witness it. I had an idea of creating a website for you that would include stories (developmental and anecdotal), pictures, and videos. This way our friends and family can keep up with your life! The idea started when you were a couple of weeks old but was really born when you were 5 months old. That’s when I bought the domain name– kisseshugsandlove.me and the site should be up and running in your 6thmonth!! I can’t wait to share. Now if you would only keep talking and rolling and moving when I turn the camera on!!
Ok, so check this out! Your 6 months birthday was a BIG day for you! We had a Doctor appointment and as per the usual, you are in the 97th percentile for height and 75th percentile for weight (model stats ;). You were 27.5” and 16.5lbs! You were given immunizations as well, but you DID NOT CRY at all!! You are such a trooper. When you were just born they had to give you a vitamin injection and you didn’t cry, when you were 1 day old they pricked your foot like 20 times and you didn’t cry. I mean you are a brave little soldier. Anyhow, I digress. On your 6 month birthday, we also began solids! Your first food ever was Organic Rice Cereal mixed with breast milk. The plan is to get you started on this for a couple of days and then move on to making your food myself!! All organic. I have an organic baby cookbook and a contraption that will steam, puree, and process the food for me. I’m starting with seasonal root vegetables to get you started because I believe they will have the most nutrients and digest more easily. So, I chose sweet potatoes or Garnet Yams. I’ll let you know how that turns out, but if today was any indication…it’s going to be great. You love eating. It makes you happy…just like momma. Oh, and I suppose I have buried the lead here. You are sitting up unsupported!! It makes you so happy when you do it. The confusion here is that I think technically you have been sitting up from early in your 5th month, but I wasn’t counting it. I thought you had to pull yourself up from a lying position and stay sitting without falling (high expectations!). It turns out that is not the case. What you started doing in your 5th month was leading with your head when pulled up and sitting with your hands out and leaning forward. I didn’t count that though. So, I laid your back on a pillow and you could pull yourself up from that incline and sit straight up unsupported on the day before your 6 month birthday! So, that’s what I’m counting…because we are over achievers ma. Hahaha. Anyhow, you did it just perfect in the Doctor’s office. She was impressed. I am impressed with you every day. You are really such a little angel. A joy for me every minute of every day love.
Ok, so you LOVE the organic garnet yams and butternut squash but you could really do without the carrots so far! You are only 6 months and almost 3 weeks, but you already show a preference for certain foods. I’m running through all the veggies before we make it to the fruits!
You started saying dada this week (6 1/2 months). You string the sounds together though, so I’m not sure if it counts as a word? I’d prefer you to say MAMA!! Haha. Developmentally you have been pulling up to stand and can stand while holding onto something. You still do not make attempts to crawl other than a couple of times when you have pushed yourself backwards instead of forward and kind of wiggle on your tummy. I was a little worried about your lack of interest in rolling or crawling, but your Pediatrician says that you are right on target and may skip crawling all together before you jump into walking! Also, I must confess…your Tia Nesta gave me a developmental test for your age range and you scored above average on all counts except for gross motor skills in which you were average, so my concerns have been silenced! Every child develops differently! Say it with me. Haha. You also like to play pat-a-cake with me and wave on command. It’s the sweetest thing ever.
Your blog is up and running, but is an ongoing work in progress. I hope you love it mama. It’s all in the name of love. Talk more soon…
Ok, I took a break from writing. Your surgery took place when you were 7 1/2 months old. I basically stayed in the house with you and only took you out for drives (change of scenery) or walks (if weather permitted) for about 3 weeks to make sure you did not get sick before surgery. Those were long weeks! My break from writing was also due to the blog. I am keeping your baby book up to date and working on your blog every day, so keeping this story current in addition became a little overwhelming with everything going on! I hope you love your blog. I have videos and pics on there for you 🙂 I’ve kept it very private. Only immediate family (on my side) and a couple of very good friends have access, but even that is too many people for my liking!
Developmentally, you have gained some ground! You got your first tooth in your 7th month (the week of your surgery) and the second one about 1 week later (bottom center). At 8 months you are teething again (I think it’s the top two teeth). You roll all around the room to get to what you want and where you want. You’ve been doing that since you were 7 months. For as long you have also been getting on your knees and rocking. You still (at 8 months) only move backwards while crawling, but to be honest it doesn’t seem like something you are interested in. You would rather stand (holding onto something) or “walk” with my help. You have been standing alone since 7 1/2 months as well (started before, but I didn’t start making a part of your daily routine till this time) and since 8 months you started “walking”. I hold your hands and we walk forward together. It’s the cutest thing to see your tiny feet moving one in front of the other. You LOVE it! Every couple of steps you stop and look up at me. Since you are looking up and I have to bend over to look at you, our faces are upside down in front of each other. At that time, I kiss you. I call it the Spiderman kiss because of a scene in a movie.
Back to your surgery… For as long as I can remember, I have trained myself not to think too much about anything that could worry me until it actually happens. I did that with your surgery as well. It was difficult for me. Not to mention that your father and I had some serious relationship problems in the couple of weeks preceding your surgery. I had a lot on my mind. However, your surgery went perfectly. I could not be happier with the outcome. I took you to 4 specialists in the field before settling on your surgeon. He is the best of the best. He is eccentric, but with good reason. He’s too smart to be normal! Hhaha. On the day of your surgery I was told to dress you comfortably and warmly because the facility (in Beverly Hills) was really cold. So, the warmest PJs I had for you at that time were Christmas themed. So, even though the surgery was on Feb 1st, you were Christmas PJs! White with red trim, red socks, and a red bow in your hair. Later one of the Drs told me you were the cutest and best dressed baby they worked on that day. In the lobby while we waited for you to be called, I had you in the baby carrier and we were dancing around to Bob Marley. Your abuelitos Gil de Montes and your dad were also there. We kept it mellow. I will never forget the Anesthisiologist (Dr Jumper) who I called weeks before the surgery to get some more info on his experience with these delicate surgeries. He was so sweet. He had kind eyes and he was so good with you. He made me feel more comfortable. When it was time to take you in, he took you in his arms and hopped like a bunny with you down the hall to the operating room. I will never forget the sight of that. When I went to sit in the lobby I couldn’t stop the tears from falling for a good 10 minutes. I pulled it together though and that was all it took. I prayed to God to keep you safe and i knew you would be. When you came out of surgery you were really groggy and crabby for about 1 hour. After that you were a sweetie pie. Your tia Eli and nino Rick came to our house to visit that day. Your recovery went really well..
Going back to the couple of weeks preceding your surgery. I came to a realization, as a result of some problems your dad and I were having. I decided that I was not a bad mother if I had to give you formula so I could have a little bit of time to myself. I mean, in all these months I have really not gone ANYWHERE without you. I do mean anywhere. I can count on one hand how often I have left the house without you at 8 months old even! Anyhow, as I have said before…I am not one of those women that has been able to pump enough milk to create a supply. So, I never left you because i didn’t want to give you formula. However, that is a big demand on me. I am not complaining at all, but I also realized I didn’t have to punish myself because of what my body was not capable of. Also, I created a lot of pressure on myself as well when I decided to make your food. With all I had going on, sometimes I couldn’t plan enough ahead to have all of your meals made in addition to having a little milk pumped for your daily breakfast cereal. So, I decided that there are perfectly good organic brands of baby food that I could use if I had to. Needless to say, I came to those conclusions, but still only used formula literally 2-3 times in the coming couple of months. I did use organic baby food when you and I were out of the house sometimes, but 9 out of 10 times you were eating food I prepared for you. You liked broccoli, squash, yams, carrots, apples, pears (eventually), etc. Lots of food I made you 🙂
You are almost 8 1/2 months as I write this. I will be going back to work in just over 3 weeks. You will be 9 months old. I am not looking forward to it. I used to really love my work, but right now it doesn’t mean anything more to me than a paycheck. Our tentative plan is that I will go back on 3/23 and take 6 weeks off starting 6/6. After that, I plan on going back to work in mid/late July until end of December. Hopefully after that I can get a part time job near our home so I can be with you more often. Your abuelita Elida will be watching you in the meantime.
I do want to mention something cute you have been doing in the last month or so. When I nurse you lying down, you like to rub your feet on my legs. It’s the cutest. Also, you LOVE the camera. You are always ready for a close up and you are super photogenic!!
I will write more soon my love. It is pretty late (the only time you let me do anything) and you are sleeping. I love you with all of my heart.
OK! So, I let quite a bit of time pass since my last entry! First off, I did not return to work until you were 10.5 months old! It was a blessing to have stayed home with you so long. Even still, I only went back to work full time for 5 weeks! After 3 days back at work, I had already applied for a part time position in another department! I realized I could not be away from you like that. The work was different or in the end I realized that I was different. I was looking at my work through different eyes after becoming your mother. I interviewed and got the new position pretty quickly and was able to resign my position as a Supervising Social Worker before your 1st birthday! I did not begin my part time position (2 days per week) until you were 14 months old! I am no longer a supervisor and I make less than 1/4 of what I used to make, lost my benefits and no longer contribute to a retirement plan. I would make the same decision over and over again. If you knew how hard wired I was to save money and have security (ala benefits and retirement), you would know how profoundly you have changed me. I will do anything for you. I love you Xol.
Now back to your development! When you were about 4 months I started showing you sign language. Not many signs and not at all times, but I did talk to you about it. Sometime in your 8th/9th month you began responding to the signs!! You started signing!! It was a very proud moment for me 🙂 We have always communicated very well with each other, but when we jumped this hurdle, there was no turning back. You are so smart. You responded to commands in both English and Spanish already and now, sign language! We continued to build on it and you are very comfortable with it. You even have a few of your own signs that you taught me!
When I went back to work for those 5 weeks, you regressed with your nursing and sleeping. There were a couple of nights you woke more frequently at night. In addition, you starting laying on top of me to nurse like you used to when you were a small baby (skin to skin style)! This has continued and you still do this even at 14 months. (I love it!) I plan to nurse until it runs its course naturally 🙂
Oh and then there was the tiny matter of your 1st birthday! I always said I would not throw big birthday parties for my kids until they were old enough to remember them, but that changed after I had you! On the day of your birthday, my immediate side of the family came over to celebrate (minus your tia Eli who had just had Isaiah a couple of weeks before that). I made you a HUGE cupcake and you had cake for the first time that day! You loved it. We sang to you and planned out the details of the day of your party! I took a video! You’ll have to see it. Anyhow, your birthday party was huge. It was a carnival theme. I custom ordered your outfit and your cake. I got lots of prizes and games and rented a popcorn and hot dog machine, I ordered personal stickers and put them on bags of cotton candy, I got mini gumball machines as the favors, I could go on and on. We even had an aerialist and a juggling clown!! It was a perfect day! It was A LOT of work and I couldn’t have done it without the help of my family and your nina Theresa! You held out until the end and you really enjoyed yourself. People say children that young can’t appreciate that kind of thing, but I beg to differ. You ate it all up! I was so happy.
In your 10th month you started crawling…officially! It was really out of nowhere since you had been trying to walk for several months already by then!You started talking your 1st steps at 10 months as well! Those were holding on to furniture and you didn’t really let go until your 12th month! You spent your 13th month perfecting your balance and turns.
You have a great pallet for food. You love healthy and spicy! You loved all vegetables from the start. I started slowly with fruit, but you weren’t really drawn to it. You liked broccoli, carrots, yams, avocado, etc. You also really liked salmon and ground turkey. You didn’t care for chicken at first, but you will eat it here and there. You love cheese, bread, and water just like your mom! At 14 months, you still don’t drink juice or red meat (I don’t offer it). However, at 12 months you started to become picky! You would not drink milk…ever. You stopped liking the food you used to love. You would eat it sparingly. 2-3 bites and NEXT. I had to try lots of combinations, but by 14 months you are coming around again.
At 12 months you learned the concept, words, and sign for “up” and “down”! It was a fun time. You would say “down” everytime you dropped or threw something to the ground. You also picked up the word “damn”, except you said “damb”. We all tried not to laugh when you said it, but it was hard. I tried to redirect you by saying down, but you weren’t having it! You even said it when I didn’t! You got the concept and said it at the most appropriate times! I thought that was a sign of intelligence, but still…I gotta watch my mouth!
You are a super friendly child! Your stranger anxiety held on til the 8th month, but it is gone! You speak to strangers, but you still have reservations about others. Even some you know well! That is not stranger anxiety, that’s discernment! Haha. You are loving and sweet. Everyone loves to be around you. Especially me!
You are loud! You scream words all the time. You still love to dance. You still adore music. Abuelita Elida and Abuelito Eduardo say you have it in your blood and that you will probably be a performer/musician! We shall see…
Anyhow, I have kept up with your baby book and blog. The blog on a daily basis and the book on a monthly basis, so you are all caught up! I will update this story with more specific details and add pictures when I get it all together! I hope what I have done with these things pleases you 🙂 I think it’s a great look into who you were, who I am, and what our life was like at this time.
You are my sunshine. Really you are!! Perfect name if I do say so myself! Big kiss, little hug, love,
XOL!